Fantasy Football: Poisoned Players

June 28, 2010   ·     ·   Jump to comments

The dose makes the poison.
—Paracelsus, mad at his bad fantasy football draft.
Bad draft day picks can poison your fantasy football team quicker than signing Albert Haynesworth to a guaranteed contract.
Don't be the dim Danny Snyder of your league.
Don't draft the fading stars, the fat fellows, anyone with a feral female friend, or a longer criminal record than your average Hollywood child star or Cincinnati Bengal.
Don't draft anyone that seems lazy, mad, criminally inclined, or buried in Buffalo.
Or, in the case of Marshawn Lynch, all four of the aforementioned.
Don't draft anyone that drives around at high speeds late at night, loaded with a loaded hand cannon at his side, a stash of drugs on his seat, and an under-aged, inebriated lass on his lap.
Don't draft anyone not named Drew that is coached by anyone named Del Rio.
And remember sweet, slinky supermodels will make the hardest football fool soft as silly putty.

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