An Analysis of Brent Celek’s Worth As a Human Being

May 16, 2010   ·     ·   Jump to comments

Forget about Brent Celek's production.  Forget about how it takes the mass of several orcas to tackle him.  Forget about his eye-popping five career tackles.  
This is not about Brent Celek the NFL player.  This is about Brent Celek the human being. What shampoo does he use? Does he play Bridge? Most important, should he even exist? 
Everything about this guy points to a severe lack of athleticism, except of course his athleticism. 
Item number one: His name.  Brent Celek.  I want you to slowly repeat that name out loud while articulating every consonant.  Especially the 'N.'  Yeah, especially emphasize that.  
Forget everything you know about Brent Celek.  Now, associate his name alone with a 40-yard dash time.  4.3? No way.  4.5? Not quite.  9.7? Almost.  
I'd guess this guy was an obese college student in a wheel chair wearing thick-framed glasses long before guessing profession...

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