The New York Jets’ Other Bitter Contract Dispute (Satire)

August 12, 2010   ·     ·   Jump to comments

SATIRE—Bitter contract disputes may thwart this year’s NY Jets’ Super Bowl run.
The NY Jets announced today that another key member of its organization is seeking a lucrative long-term deal and has still not reported to the team’s training camp.
In addition to All-Pro cornerback Darrelle Revis, the Jets’ Towel Boy (name withheld for fear of retribution from the teams' rabid fans) is holding out after just one good year in the locker room. Towel Boy is demanding his contract be renegotiated to include more guaranteed money, a better supply of ultra fabric softener, and the new commercial grade, super capacity Whirlpool Pro with tumble dry and special heated racks.
Towel Boy’s agents scoffed at what they considered to be the Jets’ recent paltry offer, citing last season’s deal signed by an Oakland Raiders’ locker room attendant (name also withheld because it’s impossible to pronounce, let alone spell).

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