2010 NFL Draft Grades: Rounds One and Two

April 28, 2010   ·     ·   Jump to comments

NFL fans regard the NFL Draft the way seniors regard nursing home MegaBingo.

Both sit mesmerized for days listening to announcements punctuated by long silences, consult and scribble on various prompts, crib sheets, and fetishes to guarantee vigilance, and punctuate the proceedings with random exclamations of joy, flatulence, fatigue, angina, and hopelessness.
Occasionally, a large black man in a baseball cap walks in front of them and they all cheer mightily. In the case of the NFL Draft, this is a coveted defensive tackle. In the case of the home, that’s Keith, and Keith means Salisbury steak night!
Ultimately, both proceedings conclude with rubbish everywhere and the vague smell of urine.
Thanks, Jet fans.
I’m going round by round to break down who shat the mattress and what general managers deserve special release from their Filipina caregiver. My draft evaluation methodology blends relative value, marginal value, need, hair of...

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