Albert Haynesworth Says He Did Not Eat Mike Shanahan Last Night (Satire)

August 3, 2010   ·     ·   Jump to comments

Albert Haynesworth announced today that he has finally passed the Washington Redskins conditioning test that has held him back from beginning training camp with his team. It was reported over the past two days that Haynesworth was not able to run consecutive 100 yard sprints, and Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan was very displeased.
But the third time appears to be the charm for the pro bowl defensive lineman, as he announced in a press conference he had been passed on the test shortly before dinner time last night. This happened even though he seems to have gained somewhere in the vicinity of 170 pounds in the past 24 hours. But Haynesworth says despite the weight gain he was able to impress the coach into letting him join the rest of the team.
But shortly after this supposed testing and passing grade, Mike Shanahan was pronounced missing by the Washington D.C. police department. He was last seen heading into the dining hall with Haynesworth, presumably ab...

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